I really dont understand MTT variance.

I ended up finishing 2nd in the 20$ Rebuy last night for 4.6k, which was great obviously, but it made me do some thinking.

Every time i feel I am playing well, building up big stacks etc, I end up failing. My last 3 big scores (14k in 55 cubed, 5k in 27 turbo, then this 4.6k in 20$ rebuy) have all been extremely lucky. They haven't been lucky as in me just playing awful and suck out after suck out per say, but in each tournament i was really short and ended up coming back.

In the 55 cubed, i was under 5 BBS with 2 tables left, for me to come back and win that, pretty lucky. In the 27 turbo i was down to under 2 BBS and came back from that, again, lucky. In the 20$ rebuy last night, I ended up losing a huge pot with about 50 left which left me with about 7 BBS, and again, I came back.

I feel like i played the 55 cubed FT very very badly, but managed to stay in it due to pure luck + coolers etc for sure. The 27.50 Turbo i played amazing, but I play those kind of FTS (every1 less than 20 bbs) day in day out, so that should be expected. and then last night in the 20$ rebuy, again, like the 55 cubed, it was a hard field, and I felt i got outplayed completely. There is so much I need to learn at the FT in MTTS. I came in 1/9 and I should have been the aggressor, but I let everyone walk all over me. Last night the FT was just super super aggro and I was folding to 4 bets like everytime, and wasn't picking up big hands etc, so i nitted up a ton. Luckily for me though these kids were putting in 30-60 BBS like it was their job and it allowed me to move up pay spot after pay spot. I literally had less chips heads up then when i started the FT with (came in 1/9, but still). I ended up doubling up quick in the HU match with JJ vs A4, and then got it in with A8 vs A6 for the CL, but he spiked a 6 and that was that.

Anyways, all I am saying is that I am hitting my big scores when i shouldn't, and I am not hitting big scores when I should, it is 100% backwards. I am not bitching, Ill obviously take the money, I just dont understand it at all.