Sunday, June 13, 2010

Last month rant

It has been one month since my last post, which is way longer than i would hope, but oh well, ill try to recap 1 month in 1 blog post. A lot of downs, so this is going to sound like a rant than a actual well thought out post.

First off poker has been such a fucking grind, I am not making any money at all playing right now. I have been drinking / getting high a ton since i moved down in south side, a lot of the times by myself, and im worried about it TBH. I am playing fucked up a lot, or when im not fucked up im hungover from the night b4. I am not in the right mindset being down here.

Some of my friends have said "Your living the dream". They dont know shit. I agree being my own boss is awesome, but how can i expect to do that when all i want to do is play, and not work? Poker is just like any other job, its a grind, its boring, and to be the best at what you do it requires a great fucking work ethic which i do not have. I am currently down a little over 3 grand since the start of April. I am not reaching my 3k game quota for my salary deal, which means im making dog shit in SNGS. I bank around 500-700 a month in rakeback for SNGS, thats all i have been making the last 2 + months in SNGS, which is fucking pathetic.

However, for whatever reason, I am doing well in MTTS. I picked up a MTT coach (scaphism) and since then i have been doing decent. I am up 5k since the start of April in MTTS. I am running deeper a lot more often, and MTTS have so so so much more dead money in them than SNGS. If it was up to me i would quit my deal with draqqs PF group and just own dime low buyin SNGS, and just mostly work on my MTT game, because theres so much more money in MTTS than sngs.

But no, im over 5k in makeup to draqqs PF group, and i cant leave until i actually start winning. I am almost possitive once i get the makeup back, they will cut me. I have shown them 500$ profit in about 4 months, and im basically making their money sit. Eventually i will obviously win it back, but for now i am losing their money. So yea, dug a whole and now the next 5k i make will go to them, then once their breakeven i am 99% sure they will drop me.

I am putting in just enough effort into everything right now poker wise, and its pissing people off, its pissing me off. I am pissing off my backers for sucking, and i am pissing off my students off for sucking. Who wants to back somebody who loses money, who wants to be coached by some1 who is losing money?

My work ethic has really declined over the past few months, and its showing in everything i touch poker wise. I made a promise to myself on Friday that i would start to turn everything around Monday. I am going to start giving 150% and hopefully the results will speak for themselves.

I am also going to start actually using my gym membership to start to lose some weight (currently weigh 215 pounds). With the life style of drinking 2 cases a week and not excercising at all, obv gaining weight is going to happen.

But enough with that rant.

As far as life goes, i am still unhappy right now. Me performing so poorly in poker has caused me to not be as upbeat outside of poker. That is why i am changing my ways mostly, to have a happier life. I dont really give a fuck about money, and could be happy broke as long as i loved the job i did, but sadly with poker, you aren't happy if you lose money, because losing money means you are not beating the games. And just like any game, whether it be a sport, or a video game (at least for me) , it is no fun at all to lose.

To make it worse, i don't think i am going to make it out to vegas, which sucks. With me sucking the last couple months at my job, and me running into bank problems, etc, it has caused me to be somewhat tight on money. i still have a ton invested online in players (almost 10k) but sadly i am unable to cash that money out. I have about 3 months of bills / expenses saved up and it would be so dumb / degen to go to vegas and blow that and then have no bill money.

Anyways, i made a small withdrawl today from stars using echecks. I depo'd 20$ and it cleared today so i was able to cash out using it. I should have the money by tuesday - wednesday in my bank account. Every1 says im fine, but with what happened with me at PNC im expecting to get a call tommorow or tuesday asking where the money is coming from, etc. And then they deny it and i have to go find another new bank and start over, and keep cashing checks out and cashing them at walmart (which blows btw). Hopefully everything is fine though, because a wired cashout that takes 2-3 days is a lot more convient then cashing out checks that take 1-7 days to process, and another 5-15 days to get mailed to me.

Anyways, im done with this rant, going to bed, tomorrow is the day for change